I Will Not Forget

It's hard not to think back to where I was and what I was doing when I first heard about the attacks on our country on September 11, 2001.  I've heard it said many times that this event was my generation's JFK assassination.

I had just pulled in to the parking lot of Gold's Gym on the northside of Spokane where I was going to meet my best friend Tera for an early morning workout. I vividly remember us both sobbing on the elliptical machines as we watched the towers fall one after the other. (I will spare you all a recapping of the details, as I'm sure that you remember as well as I do what happened that day.)  From the gym, I headed downtown to work at Northwest Hair Co. where I was a receptionist.  We had the TV on all day and I continued my nearly uncontrollable crying.  I don't think I've ever cried more in a 24-hour period than I did that day. 

I lived alone in an area of town that is not-so-fondly referred to as Felony Flats so I never really associated with any of my neighbors.  But in the days that followed, I actually found myself spending time with some of them. One night that week there was a national moment of silence.  I remember sitting on the front porch of my apartment complex with my best friend and a couple of my neighbors eating pizza and reflecting on the events of the week and how it had impacted us.  We were all different ages and from different backgrounds and parts of the country.  We had four lit candles sitting in the center of our little circle - one for each of the targets in the attack; one for each of us.

I was only 21 years old and still in college on September 11, 2001.  I didn't know anyone who died in the attacks that day.  I didn't even know anyone who knew anyone who died.  But I was directly affected by the wars that came after the attacks.  Donnie, my best friend from high school, was a mechanic in the Air Force at the time and he was in one of the first deployments to Afghanistan.  He was gone for a year, leaving behind his wife and two-year-old daughter.  Barry, a man who is a close friend of mine and practically a brother to my husband, was sent to Iraq for a year instead of being able to retire after 20 years in the Army.  The stories of his experience there were horrible.

While my stepdaughters vaguely remember 9-11 (they were only 5 and 7 years old at the time), they remember their Uncle Barry spending time in Iraq.  I wonder how and when we will tell the twins about 9-11.  They really won't have anything to associate with it like the girls do.  But I want to make sure they have an appreciation for our country and the men and women who fight to protect us as soon as possible.

As I sit here writing this, I'm crying again. (I know. I can't help it!) My two-year-old son just walked up to me and touched my teary face and said, "It's OK, Mommy. It's OK." Then he gave me a big hug.  While I hope that someday the twins have some kind of an understanding of how we all felt that day and the same appreciate for our country and our troops that I feel, I pray to God that they never have an experience like 9-11 in their lifetimes.

The last thing I want to say is THANK YOU to all of the men and women of the armed services and their family and friends who support them.  My life and the lives of my children would not be the same without you.

Twitter Takes Me Places

It's official:  I'm heading to New York City to be a part of two social media panels at the E-Tourism Summit!  It's all thanks to the support I've received from the Spokane Regional CVB management team to make Twitter & Facebook work for our destination.

The Summit is October 13 & 14 at the Marriott New York Marquis right in the heart of Manhattan near Times Square.

I'm included in the list of speakers, complete with photo and speaker bio. Woo hoo! Fancy!

Chad and I have never been to NYC, so if everything works out as we hope it will he'll be coming with me.  He can investigate the city while I'm in session, then in the evenings we'll explore together.  And we're hoping to stay an extra day if we can make it work so we'll have a whole day together in the city.

Thank God for my parents' willingness to hang with the twins for 5 days & 4 nights. (Chad's parents will be out of town that week.)

We are so very excited! If you have any ideas as to where we should go/see/do/try, please let me know!

Do You have the Twin Gene? Um... no.

Have you ever asked a mother of multiples: "Do twins run in your family?"  Sure. I have too, before I actually had twins. When you really think about it, you're actually asking: "Did you use fertility treatments to get pregnant with twins?"

I don't get offended by that question - it takes a helluva lot more than that to offend me.  My mom, on the other hand, hates it when people ask her. She gets uncomfortable because she feels like it isn't anyone's business how we ended up with twins.  But I'm really pretty much an open book.  So in an effort to help others understand and maybe even help another woman feel like she's not alone in her plight to get pregnant, here's the kinda-short version of the story (I will spare you the gory details):

When I was in high school, I would have such horrible cramps and pain - it was completely debilitating. I would actually leave school and go to the office of my uncle, who was our family doctor for most of my life (blog to come about him later), to get a shot in my hip so the pain would subside enough so I could function normally.

By the time I was in my early 20s, my OB/GYN (Dr. Pam Silverstein at WomanHealth - she's AWESOME!) was convinced that I had endometriosis.  Other women in my family have had fertility issues, including endometriosis, so I wasn't too surprised that that was the prognosis.

By the time Chad and I were ready to start trying to have a baby, I had already had two surgeries to remove endometriosis and scar tissue. Thankfully, when we weren't having any immediate success, my doctor got very aggressive. She put me on Clomid, which is a fertility drug. After several months of increasing doses, we finally got pregnant.  It was really hard for me to believe because I never felt pregnant.  But we were so excited! After two blood tests confirmed it, we told everyone - family, friends, work.

Then after about two weeks, I woke up in the middle of the night in excruciating pain. I knew what was happening, but I tried to pretend like I was fine because I didn't want to face the fact that I was losing our baby.  When I walked into work the next morning, one of my co-workers and close friends, who had been through a similar experience, took one look at me and said, "Go to your doctor NOW."  Apparently, not only was I extremely pale, but the pain was written all over my face.

My doctor was out of town, but her partner Dr. Lewis Meline was wonderful.  By the end of the day, I was back home after surgery removing both our teeny tiny undeveloped baby and one of my fallopian tubes which had been severely damaged by the ectopic pregnancy.  It was the end of August 2006, and after all that, I felt like our chance to conceive had come and gone.  A month later we decided to give it one Clomid one more try with the dose they will prescribe.

I knew the moment I got pregnant, which was interesting to me since I really never felt anything the first time.  I kept it to myself till I had the home pregnancy test to show Chad.  We didn't tell anyone this time.  We had our first ultrasound at 5 weeks.  There was a strong possibility of another ectopic, so they wanted to rule that out right away.  Oddly, I wasn't worried.  I knew everything was fine.

The night before the ultrasound, I said to Chad: "What if it's twins?"  He laughed and told me I was crazy.  I had a strong feeling I wasn't that crazy.  Sure enough - I laughed out loud the next day when the ultrasound tech said, "Here's Baby A. And here's Baby B."  Chad almost fell over.

Apparently the Clomid had caused two eggs to be released either simultaneously or one shortly after the other.  It's entirely possible that the twins did not have the same conception date, but we'll never know for sure.  Twins with Clomid isn't all that uncommon, but the thought of having twins had never crossed our minds before.

Anyhoo... so to answer the question I set out to answer at the beginning of this rambling:

No, twins do not run in my family.  We had help in the form of prayers, God and Clomid.

Step-Parenthood

I'm a stepmom. I've been a stepmom officially for 5 years, and un-officially for 2 1/2 years before that. The girls were 6 and 7 years old when Chad and I started dating in 2001. They are 13 and 15 now, and both taller than I am.

I feel lucky to be able to help shape the women these girls will become. And I feel utterly blessed to have them help shape the woman and mother that I am. They are smart, beautiful, funny girls who, along with our twins, make my life complete. In all honesty, I was a little worried about how I would feel once the twins were born, but having the twins only solidified how I feel about the girls. I love them as if they are my own.

It can get interesting from time to time. I tend to forget that they aren't biologically mine, which results in frustration for all of us. Sometimes explaining homework can be tough because they don't think in the way I do because we come from different genes.

As for our co-parenting situation with Chad's ex-wife... we've been pretty lucky over the years. We definitely have a different parenting style (Chad and I parent very much the same way) than the girls' mom, which has lead to arguements and frustrations over the years on both sides. But we really try to always keep the girls' best interest in mind. And she has been fully supportive of me as a parent, always making sure to include me and making sure that I know how appreciative she is that I am a good parent to her daughters.

Anyhoo...

Point of all this really was to tell you about a wonderful woman I know (who shall remain nameless so as to not make her life more difficult) who is a FABULOUS mom to her husband's son. The boy's biological mom (aka the egg-donor) is a jealous pathological liar. In fact, the boy's father didn't even know she was pregnant until the doctor came out and said to him: "You have a beautiful son." She apparently didn't look pregnant & repeatedly lied about it.

My friend has been a loving, nurturing mom to her SON (I use the caps because that's what she calls him because that's what he is to her) since she started dating his father. She and her then-bf-now-hubby discipline him when necessary and are both wonderful parents to him. Together they are a perfect family unit. Which is how they were, until the egg-donor (she doesn't deserve more of a title than that) got jealous that they were going to get married. So she fought for custody and won. Ridiculous since she hasn't been the primary custodial parent since he was born.

Ever since the wedding, it's only gotten worse with her. And now that their are going to have a baby, I can only imagine what will happen. Their son is 6 (I think) now. And it is a constant battle between the egg-donor and the parents (and their lawyers). All my friend and her husband are trying to do is protect and parent their son, not take him away from the egg-donor.

In writing this, I'm reminded of another friend who shall not remain nameless - Alli Benjamin. She has been a mother to her son since he was a few months old. His biological mother (whom I will refer to as his "egg-donor") walked out on him and his father shortly after he was born. Her son is now almost 9. His egg-donor had not seen him since since he was two. Finally last summer, the court removed the egg-donor's parental rights and Alli immediately adopted the son who was already hers.
I just wish my other friends could have their egg-donor's parental rights removed.

Moral of my story is this:

• If you are a good step-parent, thank you and God bless you.
• If your child has a good step-parent, please be kind and fair to them, and know that they only want what's best for your kid/kids just like you do.

DELIVERING A BABY DOES NOT MAKE YOU A MOTHER.

Mermaid or Whale?

I just received this email from my boss who had received it from her sister - it's WAY too good not to share.

Recently, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said:

THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?

A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern:

Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them not to mention how could they have sex? Therefore they don't have kids either. Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who's skin is all scaly and smells like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me... I want to be a whale.

P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my grandkids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a latte with my friends. With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, "Good gosh, look how smart I am"!

Moral of the story: Enjoy your life and those around you rather than wasting time and energy focusing on fitting into a general perception of "perfection." AMEN!

Damn It! I Miss My Man.

Chad's gone. He's in Pittsburgh for NIOSH Leadership training for 6 days then he is visiting friends of ours who live in Philadelphia for 2 days.

Bums me out when he's gone.

It's partially because I wish I could be having those experiences with him. But it's mostly that I selfishly want him home with me.

I love coming home from work to him sitting at the island in the kitchen checking Facebook or the Seattle PI's photos of the day or the Chevy Camero site. I love sitting down to dinner with him and talking about the day over a glass of wine. I love snuggling with him in our big red chair to decompress while watching some reality TV (he humors me) or an episode of From the Earth to the Moon.

I love checking on the twins together before we go to bed. I love laughing at Conan O'Brien or David Letterman with him while we brush our teeth. I love cuddling up with him in bed before we go to sleep till he says "OK, get away, you're hot." (I just wait till he falls asleep and cuddle up to him again.)

I love the husband, father, best friend, lover, comedian, provider and personal heater that he is. So, yeah. It's totally selfish.

Don't get me wrong - I am excited and thankful for his job with the CDC and the training, opportunities and chances to travel that his job with the Federal Government provides. Wouldn't change those things for the world. But having him gone sure as hell makes me appreciate the man who has chosen to spend his life with me.

New Family Members... (it's not what you think!)

Last fall I wrote about my new Uncle Pat on our Hutson Family blog. (Synopsis: I got an email from Pat Lueck saying that he was pretty sure that my grandpa was his dad - sure enough!)

Well, he and his wife Ann and grandson Gabriel braved meeting the Washington Lucks last month. I blogged about it on our Hutson Family blog.

Pretty crazy stuff! But we're very excited to have all these new family members!