No Cohones? Just Blog Anonymously.

So... you have this really passionate stance on something and you want everyone to know about it?  I have a great idea!  Start an anonymous blog!  IF YOU'RE A WUSS.

Nothing irritates me more than someone posting a no-nonsense hardcore opinion about an issue for the world to see, then not having the balls to attach their name to it.  As far as I'm concerned, if you won't own up to your own thoughts and words, your posts are merely worthless obnoxious rants. 

I'm all for people having strong opinions - I have extremely strong stances on a number of issues.  And I am PROUD to post those opinions right here on my blog, and then I welcome the debate that follows.

Rant over.  I feel better now.

Why I am Voting YES on Referendum 71

I don't tend to get very politically involved. However, there are some things I feel VERY passionately about on the ballot this year and I feel compelled to share my thoughts.

Hopefully, you plan to vote no on Prop 4 (I posted my arguments against it a few weeks ago) and YES on Referendum 71.  By voting yes on Referendum 71, you are voting to uphold the bill expanding the domestic partnership rights that was already voted on, passed and signed into law by Governor Gregiore.

I feel that if two people love each other enough to spend their lives together, they should be afforded the same rights as married couples. People typically assume this will affect only same-sex couples, but I can think of several heterosexual couples who have chosen not to marry, and removing the expanded domestic partnership rights affects them too!

I absolutely feel that same-sex couples should be allowed to legally marry, but we're a ways off from that in the State of Washington.  I've already blogged extensively my arguments supporting same-sex marriage, so I won't rehash that here.  But I will reiterate the fact that life and love are hard for ALL couples.  Why should we intentionally make it harder for some people?

When the expansion of domestic partnership rights passed, I was extremely proud to live in this state.  I felt we had reached a new level of tolerance and understanding, and made a huge step toward equality.  If Referendum 71 does not pass, it will be a HUGE step backward for the State of Washington.

I have faith that Washington voters will do the right thing and support Referendum 71, We'll still be a step behind Massachusettes (where same-sex marriage has been legal since 2003), Connecticut (legal since 2008), Iowa (legal since April), Vermont (legal since Sept 1), Maine (legal since Sept 14) and New Hampshire (will become legal on January 1), but we'll be continuing to move in the right direction.

Your YES vote on Referendum 71 shows your commitment to tolerance, equality and progression. And it shows your commitment to Washington's families.

Prop 4 & the Notion of "Rights"

Here's an argument against Prop 4 that I saw on a blog. It's an argument I hadn't even thought of before:

"The Bill of Rights declares that persons have 'rights' to 'affordable' health care, housing, energy, to be paid a certain wage, and various other goodies on every leftist’s wish list. The trouble here, of course, is that all these goodies must be provided by other persons — health care providers, builders, energy producers, employers, *et al*. So a claim to a 'right' to such things entails a claim to the services of other people — to their time, talents, energy, and the fruits of their labor.

No one can have a 'right' to goods and services others must provide or produce. The notion turns the very concept of rights on its head: *rights* is the concept which protects each person in the possession, use and enjoyment of that which is his own — his time, his talents, his person, and the products of his labor, i.e., to those things he has acquired without inflicting loss or injury on others."

It's a very interesting and valid argument, and likely one I will add to all my other arguments against it. Just one more reason to VOTE NO ON PROP 4.

For more information about the fight against Prop 4, visit SaveOurSpokane and SpokaneJobs2009.

Why I'm Voting NO on PROP 4

I am absolutely voting NO on PROP 4.  At first glance, the Community Bill of Rights* proposed by EnvisionSpokane sounds great, right? Well, I'd suggest reading it in its entirety before you conclude that Prop 4 is a good idea.

Increased taxes to cover community health care, prevailing wages that will put many smaller companies out of business, tax monies going to pay for all the new lawsuits that will be filed against the city, new businesses looking to locate anywhere BUT here because of how much higher the price for doing business here would be, random bands of “neighborhood councils” vetoing everything proposed by the city.

Um, yeah. That sounds wonderful. Are you kidding me?

Breaking it down further...

The bill of rights states: “For residents otherwise unable to access [preventative health care], the City shall guarantee such access by coordinating with area healthcare providers to create affordable fee-for-service programs within eighteen (18) months following adoption of this Charter provision.” I heard one argument that this wouldn't take much for city staff to complete and that there would be fewer emergency room visits, which would lower costs.

First of all, it's naive to think that such a guarantee would not take hundreds, if not thousands, of staff hours to fulfill.  Also, I come from a family of doctors, nurses and other medical personnel and I can tell you that we've had as much preventative health care as anyone could.  But we’ve had family members in the ER for a number of different injuries and sudden-onset health issues. So if there were fewer ER visits overall, I highly doubt that it would be enough to make a dent in the cost of the staff time it would take to implement such a program.

Having to pay prevailing wage (which is the median pay for a given field in a specific location) for construction projects will significantly increase costs, not only for the construction companies, but also for any organization that is having a building constructed. I’m all for people being paid what they’re worth, but I don’t think that anyone should get middle of the range payment regardless of their skill level and work ethic.

According to the complete text of the documents filed with the Spokane County Auditor, the fourth duty that would be imposed upon the City of Spokane would be “providing legal defense for actions of neighborhood councils in vetoing land development projects,” which means that the City would foot the bill for all the impending lawsuits from businesses whose projects are vetoed.

And that leads me into my next point: Neighborhoods can veto development plans with as little as 15% of the people who voted in the previous election within the neighborhood limits. 15%! So if your neighborhood has 100 voting residents, you better hope that 15 of them don’t disagree with the other 85 or those 15 could cause a development project to be vetoed.

The bill of rights says “The City shall ensure the availability of low-income housing stock sufficient to meet the needs of the low-income housing community.” If low-housing doesn’t exist now, I’m curious where it's supposed to come from. Is the City supposed to build low-income housing? If that’s the case, what if more than 15% of the residents of the neighborhood the City wants to build said housing in are not supportive of the project?  Oh yeah! They can just veto it.

Part of the 9th amendment states: “Any person seeking to enforce the rights of ecosystems, may enforce these rights. Enforcement actions shall be filed as civil actions in a court of competent jurisdiction, against any person, government, or entity violating these rights…” While I absolutely agree that entities abusing our environment and ecosystems should be held accountable for their actions, it's ridiculous that someone would be able sue the City, an organization or an individual on behalf of the river, a patch of trees, etc.

The bill of rights says the City will be required to provide “sufficient funding to neighborhood councils for the creation, adoption, and enforcement of neighborhood plans” and yet there is no mention as to a dollar amount for such funding. It’s illogical and irresponsible to suggest something like this with NO indication of the amount, or of how the amount would be determined, or of where the money would come from.

I must admit that when I first heard about this citizens’ bill of rights, I was excited about the prospect of something that seemed so innovative. But upon further reading, I was extremely disappointed to discover how truly deceptive the language is in the bill of rights. I do think that a bill of rights for the citizens of Spokane is something I could vote for in the future, if it was developed in a socially-, fiscally-, environmentally-responsible way with language that is concise and transparent, and if it accounted for all details and outcomes.

I wish that instead of WASTING time and money promoting this joke of a bill of rights, and now more time and money fighting it**, the residents and leaders of this community were focusing on continuing to move forward in the POSITIVE direction we’re already headed.

I am disappointed with how many smart young people in Spokane have been duped by the smoke and mirrors of this ludicrous, flawed proposition.

I am a young, smart, environmentally- and socially-conscious business professional, wife and mother who was born and raised in Spokane.  I strongly feel the need to protect myself, my family and the city I love and I will VOTE NO ON PROP 4.  I ask you to VOTE NO too.

* Read an interesting take on the notion of "rights."

** For more information about the fight against Prop 4, visit SaveOurSpokane and SpokaneJobs2009.

Step-Parenthood

I'm a stepmom. I've been a stepmom officially for 5 years, and un-officially for 2 1/2 years before that. The girls were 6 and 7 years old when Chad and I started dating in 2001. They are 13 and 15 now, and both taller than I am.

I feel lucky to be able to help shape the women these girls will become. And I feel utterly blessed to have them help shape the woman and mother that I am. They are smart, beautiful, funny girls who, along with our twins, make my life complete. In all honesty, I was a little worried about how I would feel once the twins were born, but having the twins only solidified how I feel about the girls. I love them as if they are my own.

It can get interesting from time to time. I tend to forget that they aren't biologically mine, which results in frustration for all of us. Sometimes explaining homework can be tough because they don't think in the way I do because we come from different genes.

As for our co-parenting situation with Chad's ex-wife... we've been pretty lucky over the years. We definitely have a different parenting style (Chad and I parent very much the same way) than the girls' mom, which has lead to arguements and frustrations over the years on both sides. But we really try to always keep the girls' best interest in mind. And she has been fully supportive of me as a parent, always making sure to include me and making sure that I know how appreciative she is that I am a good parent to her daughters.

Anyhoo...

Point of all this really was to tell you about a wonderful woman I know (who shall remain nameless so as to not make her life more difficult) who is a FABULOUS mom to her husband's son. The boy's biological mom (aka the egg-donor) is a jealous pathological liar. In fact, the boy's father didn't even know she was pregnant until the doctor came out and said to him: "You have a beautiful son." She apparently didn't look pregnant & repeatedly lied about it.

My friend has been a loving, nurturing mom to her SON (I use the caps because that's what she calls him because that's what he is to her) since she started dating his father. She and her then-bf-now-hubby discipline him when necessary and are both wonderful parents to him. Together they are a perfect family unit. Which is how they were, until the egg-donor (she doesn't deserve more of a title than that) got jealous that they were going to get married. So she fought for custody and won. Ridiculous since she hasn't been the primary custodial parent since he was born.

Ever since the wedding, it's only gotten worse with her. And now that their are going to have a baby, I can only imagine what will happen. Their son is 6 (I think) now. And it is a constant battle between the egg-donor and the parents (and their lawyers). All my friend and her husband are trying to do is protect and parent their son, not take him away from the egg-donor.

In writing this, I'm reminded of another friend who shall not remain nameless - Alli Benjamin. She has been a mother to her son since he was a few months old. His biological mother (whom I will refer to as his "egg-donor") walked out on him and his father shortly after he was born. Her son is now almost 9. His egg-donor had not seen him since since he was two. Finally last summer, the court removed the egg-donor's parental rights and Alli immediately adopted the son who was already hers.
I just wish my other friends could have their egg-donor's parental rights removed.

Moral of my story is this:

• If you are a good step-parent, thank you and God bless you.
• If your child has a good step-parent, please be kind and fair to them, and know that they only want what's best for your kid/kids just like you do.

DELIVERING A BABY DOES NOT MAKE YOU A MOTHER.

Praying for Peace, Hope & Justice in Iran

I've been following what's been going on in Iran via first-person accounts on Twitter (@Change_for_Iran, @TehranBureau, @Mousavi1388, @StopAhmadi, @LaraABCNews, @persiankiwi, @iran09, @madyar, @hadinili). They have been tweeting photos and video as well from YouTube (WARNING: lots of graphic content). What's going on over there is massively effed up. The people of Iran are trying to peacefully protest the recent election and they are getting attacked.

The two front-runners in the Iranian presidental election on June 12th were incumbent Ahmadinejad and Mousavi of the Independent Reformist party. There is much speculation that the election was a fraud. Mousavi and his supporters are calling for the election to be annuled and a new election held immediately. Mousavi has been communicating with supporters through his Twitter account and Facebook page.

There's a photo circulating that shows three TV screen shots. In each screenshot, it shows the time and the number of votes for each candidate. As time progresses, Ahmadinejad's votes keep increasing while Mousavi's votes decrease, which of course, is not possible. The Iranian government has admitted that in 50 cities there were more votes cast than there were registered voters (it has been speculated that it happened in as many as 170 cities).

The Supreme Leader (has ultimate power over everything including the president) Ayatollah Khamenei has validated the election and told the people of Iran that protests would be considered acts of terrorism.

Mousavi's "Sea of Green" (he adopted green as his campaign color) have demonstrated peacefully. They have either been silent or have chanted "Down with the dictator," "Death to the dictator" and "Give us our votes back".

The Iranian government blocked text messaging, cell phone signals, Facebook & YouTube. They have blocked and hacked Twitter accounts, and are using the accounts to track protesters. Twitterers (Tweeters?) have had to use proxy sites to post their updates. The government has ordered all foreign journalists to remain in their hotels. Some have even been ordered out of the country. Protesters, policitians and journalists have been arrested. Some have just "disappeared."

Protester have encountered tear gas, fire hoses, helicopters dumping acid on the crowds, gun fire and brutal beatings. People have been brutally murdered, though it's tough to know how many since any official reports have to go through the Iranian government before they become public. There are 4 types of security - the police, Basij (men too old or young for the army), IRG (Iranian Revolutionary Guard) & the army. The police, Basij & IRG are in the streets of Iran with the protesters. Some are sypathetic, but many just take pleasure in assaulting the masses. It doesn't sound like the army has been brought in yet, but it appears that it's only a matter of time.

Mousavi has ordered a national strike - no one go to work, no stores open - as part of the protest. The demostrations in the street continue. The violence continues.

I'm very disturbed by what's happening in Iran. And thanks to Twitter, I'm keenly aware of what's going on up to the minute. One person I'm following (@Change_for_Iran) has not posted anything since June 20th. I'm afraid for his safety. His profile lists him as simply "Iranian student."

As a young American, this turmoil that is playing out right before my eyes Iran has made me so grateful for where I live and the trivial problems that I deal with every day. I can leave my house and take to the streets of Spokane without having to worry about my safety. I can post this blog with my name and location attached and not have have to worry that militia are going to seek me out and make me "disappear."

I'm praying for peace and justice for the Iranian people. I'm praying for an end to the violence. I'm praying for Iranian democracy. I'm asking God to give me the faith and hope that is evident in so many of the Iranian people.

I hope you are praying too.

Really California? Are you kidding me?

The title of this blog post really says it all.

I am shocked, offended, apaulled, disgusted, disappointed and ANGRY that the Supreme Court of California voted to uphold Proposition-8 this week. I mean, seriously. What the hell decade/century/millenium are we living in?

I whole-heartedly believe that marriage should be a LEGAL union between any two individuals who love each other enough to commit their lives to each other. Anyone who has ever been married will tell you that marriage is tough. But it's the most fabulous roller coaster you'll ever ride and I commend two people who are dedicated enough to each other to want hop on that roller coaster together.

LOVE IS LOVE. What difference does it make whether it's between a man and a woman or two men or two women? With all the horrible things in this world, I'm outraged that the Supreme Court of California has decided to continue to support something that takes away the happiness of marriage and equality from a few hundred thousand of the state's citizens.

It amazes me that states like Massachusettes (where same-sex marriage has been legal since 2003), Connecticut (legal since 2008), Iowa (legal since April), Vermont (becomes legal Sept 1) and Maine (becomes legal Sept 14) have embraced their gay populations while California, which is supposed to be a progressive state, has not.

I think at this point it has to be up to activists in California to petition to get a new bill/referendum/proposition on the ballot as soon as possible to legalize same-sex marriage. Since 6 of the 7 justices of the Supreme Court of California didn't have the cojones to overturn Prop-8, the voters are going to have to do it.

I'm proud that the State of Washington has passed a law to expand rights for domestic partnerships. But there is already a proposed ballot initiative to overturn the bill, which was signed into law by Governor Gregoire on May 18th, called Referendum 71 and immediately Equal Rights Washington starting urging citizens to Pledge to Decline to Sign Referendum 71 petition. I pledged earlier this week and I encourage everyone else who is registered to vote in Washington to sign it too.

While I am saddened and frustrated and angered by all this, I am still hopeful. I have faith that every state in the union will legalize same-sex marriage in my lifetime. And I am choosing to help the cause rather than ignore it or sit idly by.

That's What You Call Friendship?

In the last few months, I've had some weird issues with "friends" and I've come to the conclusion that often friendships end because the two parties involved define friendship in different ways and those two different ways don't mesh. In other words, one believes in the give and take of friendship, and the other just wants to take.

Take, for instance, a "friendship" that peaked in the fall and winter of this past year. There was a woman who Chad had worked with at a past job. They'd become friends and she'd come to the occasional party over the past 4 years. Then during the summer she became more connected to us through work connections.

She and I really hit it off. She was closer to Chad's age than mine (no big surprise, because with the exception of a few recent additions to our friendship circle, our friends are typically closer to Chad's age) but she and I were very similar in a lot of ways - similar senses of humor (often a bit crass), passionate, goofy, etc. One major difference was our level of confidence and stability. I am certainly by no means the most confident person (I am well aware of my faults) but her confidence seemed to revolved solely around her appearance and the attention she was getting from men. Which, in all honesty while I don't thrive off it, I completely understand - who doesn't like to look good and get attention? Anyone who says they don't is LYING.

I spent a lot of time helping her through a rough relationship that included mental and emotional abuse. I really cared about her and wanted things in her life to be good. I was willing to help her in nearly any way I could to make that happen.

Anyway, she crossed a line with our friendship in mid-fall. It definitely could have been a deal breaker. I was pretty upset about it and, as anyone who has the full details of the situation would tell you, I had every right to be. But she apologized and I bought it so we dove right back into the friendship where we had left off.

Next she "fell" for another friend of mine. Because I care deeply for both parties involved, I spent lots of time counseling her about how to handle the situation with him. (Chad would tell you that this is my first mistake - I often insert myself where/when I shouldn't. And perhaps he's right, but it's the way I operate nonetheless. I never force it, but when asked, I am happy to throw my two cents in.)

Right around the holidays, she got mad at Chad about something work related that he had absolutely no control over. At which point, she essentially stopped talking to me. I called her several times to see if she was OK and got literally one word answers to my questions. Then when we heard from several mutual friends that she was saying a lot of really negative and untrue things about Chad, I stopped calling/texting/messaging to check on her.

So here's the short version of the end of the friendship... she un-friended me from Facebook. Stupid, I know, that THAT is what would piss me off to the point of blogging about it, but that's how I feel. And she actually did it along time ago, it just took me this long to get over the initial anger. I mean, seriously. You are 42 years old and that's how you are going to deal with this? You can't call me and talk to me like an adult?

I realize I am better off without someone so draining in my life, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

After all this, I really felt compelled to take a look at my friendships and evaluate them. I believe that friendships should be mutually beneficial - you give and, when needed, you take. I am really trying now to only put effort into the friendships with the people who have put effort into the friendship with me. I'm at a point in my life when I don't have time or energy to waste. Plus I am surrounded by a lot of amazing people who are truly more like family than friends. THOSE are the people who deserve my time and energy, not some random people who are trying to suck the life out of me.

While I'm still sad/mad about the way things turned out with this friendship, I wouldn't change it if I could. It took this for me to see her true colors. And as I have always said... things happen for a reason.

Thoughts about Octomom

Wow. This woman pisses me off. 14 kids all under the age of 8, some with disabilities. Single parent. No job. My heart breaks for each and every one of those kids. There will never be enough of ANYTHING to go around - love, money, etc. Even with extended family around to help, I just don't see how those kids can grow up with any semblance of a normal life.

Beyond that I don't see how she (Nadya) will ever have a normal adult relationship. How could anyone enter in to that kind of crazy life? How could there even be time for any kind of romantic relationship with 14 kids to take care of? Plus I highly doubt that there's any way that she is at all prepared for the work that needs to go into a marriage.

And where in the hell did this fancy new house come from? I'm beginning to wonder if it didn't come from a producer who is hoping to set up a "Jon & Kate Plus 8" type of a show with her. Bet she'd jump on the chance.

She actually has a web site set up so you can make donations to her and the kids. Are you kidding me? Yes, those kids are obviously in need of financial assistance. But would you trust this woman to use your donation to benefit them in some way? I sure as hell wouldn't.

The other thing that really bothers me about this situation is the doctor that performed the in vitro. I don't understand how he could possibly think that implanting 6 embryos would be a good idea. Especially given the number of children that she had already. I understand that ultimately the number implanted was her decision, but did he even try to counsel her out of implanting so many? Doesn't sound like it.

Last thing before I shut up my pointless ramblings about this situation... does she really think that ANYONE believes that she isn't making a serious attempt to look like Angelina Jolie? Click here to see the link to side by side photos of the two women. Click here to see the before and after photos of her.

In conclusion, she is absolutely nuts.