Wednesday, August 26, 2009


I'm a stepmom. I've been a stepmom officially for 5 years, and un-officially for 2 1/2 years before that. The girls were 6 and 7 years old when Chad and I started dating in 2001. They are 13 and 15 now, and both taller than I am.

I feel lucky to be able to help shape the women these girls will become. And I feel utterly blessed to have them help shape the woman and mother that I am. They are smart, beautiful, funny girls who, along with our twins, make my life complete. In all honesty, I was a little worried about how I would feel once the twins were born, but having the twins only solidified how I feel about the girls. I love them as if they are my own.

It can get interesting from time to time. I tend to forget that they aren't biologically mine, which results in frustration for all of us. Sometimes explaining homework can be tough because they don't think in the way I do because we come from different genes.

As for our co-parenting situation with Chad's ex-wife... we've been pretty lucky over the years. We definitely have a different parenting style (Chad and I parent very much the same way) than the girls' mom, which has lead to arguements and frustrations over the years on both sides. But we really try to always keep the girls' best interest in mind. And she has been fully supportive of me as a parent, always making sure to include me and making sure that I know how appreciative she is that I am a good parent to her daughters.


Point of all this really was to tell you about a wonderful woman I know (who shall remain nameless so as to not make her life more difficult) who is a FABULOUS mom to her husband's son. The boy's biological mom (aka the egg-donor) is a jealous pathological liar. In fact, the boy's father didn't even know she was pregnant until the doctor came out and said to him: "You have a beautiful son." She apparently didn't look pregnant & repeatedly lied about it.

My friend has been a loving, nurturing mom to her SON (I use the caps because that's what she calls him because that's what he is to her) since she started dating his father. She and her then-bf-now-hubby discipline him when necessary and are both wonderful parents to him. Together they are a perfect family unit. Which is how they were, until the egg-donor (she doesn't deserve more of a title than that) got jealous that they were going to get married. So she fought for custody and won. Ridiculous since she hasn't been the primary custodial parent since he was born.

Ever since the wedding, it's only gotten worse with her. And now that their are going to have a baby, I can only imagine what will happen. Their son is 6 (I think) now. And it is a constant battle between the egg-donor and the parents (and their lawyers). All my friend and her husband are trying to do is protect and parent their son, not take him away from the egg-donor.

In writing this, I'm reminded of another friend who shall not remain nameless - Alli Benjamin. She has been a mother to her son since he was a few months old. His biological mother (whom I will refer to as his "egg-donor") walked out on him and his father shortly after he was born. Her son is now almost 9. His egg-donor had not seen him since since he was two. Finally last summer, the court removed the egg-donor's parental rights and Alli immediately adopted the son who was already hers.
I just wish my other friends could have their egg-donor's parental rights removed.

Moral of my story is this:
  • If you are a good step-parent, thank you and God bless you.
  • If your child has a good step-parent, please be kind and fair to them, and know that they only want what's best for your kid/kids just like you do.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Mermaid or Whale?

I just received this email from my boss who had received it from her sister - it's WAY too good not to share.

Recently, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said:


A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern:

Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them not to mention how could they have sex? Therefore they don't have kids either. Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who's skin is all scaly and smells like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me... I want to be a whale.

P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my grandkids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a latte with my friends. With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, "Good gosh, look how smart I am"!

Moral of the story: Enjoy your life and those around you rather than wasting time and energy focusing on fitting into a general perception of "perfection." AMEN!